Grieving with you, Rejoicing with you, Praying for you

My sweet Aunt Elaine went to be with Jesus last night. (8:15am April 6th, USA time.)

It’s difficult to be on the other side of the world during times like this, unable to spend a little more time with her before she went, unable to say goodbye or go to the memorial service, unable to be with family to remember together and grieve and rejoice and support Jim, my uncle, as he’s dealing with the loss.

I’m hiding in the back corner of a coffee shop this morning.. it’s the most private place I can find to read the Caring Bridge journal entries leading up to yesterday, celebrate her life, “verbally process” on paper a bit, and cry in peace.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/elaineclymer

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What an unselfish response, that my Uncle Jim used the very last window of her consciousness to reassure Aunt Elaine that she had lived a full life, she was so loved, and she didn’t need to hold on for us- she could let go and be with Jesus as soon as she was ready.

At first, ( –> unhelpful –> ) I felt a bit guilty for daring to grieve rather than just offering my support when other people, such as her husband, Uncle Jim, seem to have so much more of a “right” to grieve than I do…  and many well-intentioned friends exhorted me to “be strong” and prayed for God to literally remove the grief from my heart and replace it with joy.  I’ve also seen such examples of “strength” and the ability to simply carry on in the midst of grief in my other missionary friends, so why should I become a puddle, needing time, space, and a break this morning?  Denial is the first stage of grief, but denying your grief permanently doesn’t bring about healing.  Staying in a routine is good, but staying busy in order to avoid grief isn’t helpful or healing.

It hurts to hurt.

And it hurts to see people you love hurting.

And the only way to heal the pain is to go through it.

The natural response is to want relief for your friend, but honestly, what I need is permission and space to grieve.  God gives peace and rest in the midst of grief, but He doesn’t tell us to squash it and be strong.

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Matthew 5:4 and Ecclesiastes 3:1-11 have been a comfort to me, and my permission to grieve this morning.

4“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
³     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance,
⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,
    a time to keep and a time to throw away,
⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,
    a time to be silent and a time to speak,
⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,
    a time for war and a time for peace.

⁹ What do workers gain from their toil? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. ¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

The rest of Ecclesiastes is depressing (it talks about the meaninglessness of everything in life) if I don’t notice that it points to the ONE thing that DOES hold meaning- eternal life and purpose with and through God.  I’m not without HOPE, because just a few days ago we celebrated Easter and were reminded that Jesus is ALIVE, and what a great hope we have in living with His Spirit in us on Earth and being raised to life with Him in Heaven!  My dear aunt is joining the saints and angels, totally in blissful awe of God, singing out of adoration and enjoying the perfection of unbroken relationship in Heaven.

But even as I celebrate that truth and hold onto that hope, it is still good and right to acknowledge pain and to let it out in grief… because death was never God’s design or intention for mankind.  He has set eternity in our hearts, and we long for that.  Death is a consequence of our sinful human nature.  Separation hurts, and loss hurts.  Hence, we grieve, and rightfully so.  I trust that God’s plans are perfect, I don’t question His judgment in calling my aunt home to be with Him, I rejoice in her homecoming, and yet I grieve the loss.

For me, the biggest loss is in not being able to spend more time with her, say goodbye, or spend time coming together as a family because I’m away in Cambodia.

Celebrating Aunt Elaine’s life- here is her obituary

I want to thank my Cambodia-family for being so caring and supportive, giving hugs, praying with me, checking in on me, and caring for me in the way that you would want to be cared for.  Your love and kindness have comforted my heart and I’m so thankful for you!  Sometimes, though, a bit of my “westernness” comes out and I need alone time to process.  I didn’t really want to talk about it with anyone this morning.  I’ve needed space.  But as I’m taking that space, you all can trust that our great Healer and Comforter is at work, and I’ll be better off after I take some quiet time to myself. 🙂

My prayers are with my Clymer family back in the States, lifting you up and holding your hearts in my heart.  I love you all so much, and I hope you know how extremely special and dear you are to me!  Times like this make me realize how unusually blessed I am to call such wonderful people family – what a blessing, to love people who are so difficult to leave.  I wish so badly that I could give hugs and take dinners and do yard work along with you.  May God bless you and keep you, holding, comforting, and walking into the future with you in His way and His time!  You’re in my thoughts and prayers.